That's right, I've decided to live blog the 80th Annual Academy Awards.  We know it's the 80th because they've been telling us on the red carpet for the last hour! 

By the way, I watched the Independent Spirit Awards this morning (rebroadcast on IFC) and it was soooooo good.  I'm hoping the Oscars is close to it in quality and entertainment, but I highly doubt it.  I must have updated my Netflix list 20 times during the show.  

On to the red carpet..... 

5:03 p.m. - George Clooney just invited Regis Philbin to Italy.  I'm guessing Joan Rivers never got that invite.

5:10 p.m. - Regis is now talking to Miley Cyrus.  Who???? Exactly, no idea.  It turns out she's Disney famous.  She's Hannah Montana. 

5:12 p.m. - Faye Dunaway scares me.

5:14 p.m. - Helen Mirren is so amazing.  She looks fantastic, claiming that her red gown is inspired by her latest role as a brothel madam.  She also said she's excited to present the Best Actor award, and then mentioned that there aren't as many good roles out there for women.  I think Helen Mirren should run for president.  

5:17 p.m. - Daniel Day Lewis and Rebecca Miller on the carpet.  Rebecca Miller is one of the most talented writers in Hollywood and because of that she can be as kooky as she wants - and let me tell you, she's wearing the kookiest dress I've seen tonight.  But you know what?  Let's just praise kooky for a minute.  The Oscars has become so earnest and tasteful.  Where's Cher, and Bjork, and that Native American woman who stood in for Marlon Brando?  Here's to Rebecca Miller and her kooky dress!  Hopefully, Julian Schnabel will wear his fancy pajamas.

5:26 p.m. - I'm nervous for Jon Stewart. 

5:30 p.m. - Jack Nicholson in the front row, Regis walks up to him with mic, Jack turns with his sunglasses on and rattles out "How's the Reege tonight?" Why is it that everything out of his mouth is so "Jack Nicholson?"

5:35 p.m. - Jon Stewart is off to a kickin start!  He just chided Vanity Fair and their Oscar Party, which was cancelled supposedly out of solidarity with the writers.  Stewart then says, you know how Vanilty Fair could support the writers?  For once, invite them to the Vanity Fair Oscar Party!

5:38 p.m. - Stewart says Javier Bardem's performance was the perfect mix of Hannibel Lector's murderer with Dorothy Hamill's wedgecut.

5:41 p.m. - Stewart's Gaydoff Titler bit made me almost spit out my blueberry beer.  

5:50 p.m. - The montage of Oscar memories from the last 80 years was fun, except that we had to listen to Celine Dion sing My Heart Will Go On.  Ugh.  Nice ending with Charlie Chaplin, though. 

5:54 p.m. - Brad Bird wins Best Animated Feature for Ratatouille and is the first to be nudged off the stage by the dreaded pit orchestra. 

6:00 p.m. - First Best Song performance of the night is from Enchanted and performed by Amy Adams.  She's goes all musical theater on it.  Loved her in Junebug back in the day. 

6:07 p.m. - The Rock looks like an action figure.  His skin coloring is that brownish plastic sheen. 

6:16 p.m. - Best Supporting Actor category is chock full of excellent performances - Hal Holbrook, Tom Wilkinson, Javier Bardem, and Philip Seymour Hoffman.  Bardem takes it home.  He thanks his mother in Spanish and just got ten times hotter.   

6:24 p.m. - Stewart gives us a taste of what the Oscars would be like with no writers.  Montages featuring Hollywood's periscope and binocular shots.  A montage of Hollywood bad dreams.  Those writers are making hay out of strike material.

6:33 p.m. - The Academy Award for Best Animated Short goes to Peter and the Wolf.  All of them look visually interesting and you can see them right now at Landmark's Hillcrest Cinema.   

6:39 p.m. - Wow, Tilda Swinton wins Best Supporting Actress.  That's a surprise... I thought Cate Blanchett would get it.  Tilda Swinton deserved it for past roles, so no harm done here.  She gives a good acceptance speech, teasing George Clooney about having played Batman before his serious roles.  

6:44 p.m. - Why is Jessica Alba at the Oscars?  What role has she had that represents the beest Hollywood has to offer?  I'm perplexed.

6:47 p.m. - Best Adapted Screenplay goes to No Country for Old Men - the Coens are strange and wonderful.  Joel says they are picky, only having adapted Homer and Cormac McCarthy.  Ethan goes up to the mic and just laughs.  

7:09 p.m. - Best Actress Oscar goes to Marion Cotillard.  I'm counting on her for a good acceptance speech. 

7:10 p.m. - She delivers.  Sweet, unrehearsed, totally lacking self-consciousness and Hollywood artiface.   

7:19 p.m. - Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova perform Falling Slowly - like they did for the Independent Spirit Awards, backed by the pit orchestra.  I liked the ISA performance better.  

7:43 p.m - After these musical performances, I DEFINITELY don't want to see Enchanted.  

7:50 p.m. - Yay!  Once's Falling Slowly won for best song.

7:52 p.m. - Glen Hansard is adorable and gives adorable acceptance speech - ending with proclamation "Make Art!"  Marketa Irglova is bullied off the stage by pit orchestra.

7:57 p.m. - Jon Stewart..Best.Host.Ever.  He brings Marketa Irglova back out to have her moment.   

8:16 p.m. - Best Documentary goes to Taxi to the Dark Side. One of my guests orders Alex Gibney the director to "Get political, fool."  Gibney does, and throws in a Star Wars reference to the Dark Side. 

8:24 p.m. - Getting tired...

8:25 p.m. - Diablo Cody wins best screenplay for Juno.  She wears leapord print and sports some good tattoos.  Cody thanks her family for loving her just as she is.... and breaks down in tears.  

8:31 p.m. - Can we all agree that Helen Mirren can deliver a line like nobody else?

8:35 p.m. - Daniel Day Lewis wins Best Actor.  No surprise and well deserved.  He gives an eloquent acceptance speech.  

8:38 p.m. - Didn't Daniel Day Lewis move to Italy for a couple of years and trained to be a cobbler?    

8:41 p.m. - Martin Scorsese is back.... giving award for Best Director.  This is a tough one... 

8:43 p.m. - The Coens win it!! Hilarious acceptance speech - especially from Ethan. 

8:47 p.m. - No Country for Old Men wins Best Picture.  Frances McDormand looks like she's going to jump out of her seat.  Good for those clever Coens.

Well, that's it - 3 and a half hours of Hollywood celebrating itself, but since it was such a good year in film, I don't mind so much. Stewart proved once again he's got the stuff to host the Oscars.  Does anybody really miss the Billy Crystal musical montages?  And thank god the writers were back - their muscle really showed 

Anyway, no big surprises tonight, except maybe Tilda Swinton and that's a welcome surprise.  

Ok, I'm tired and need a beer.  Culture Lust signing off...