These Days host Tom Fudge loves to talk about movies.  In fact, so does everyone on the These Days staff.  There tends to be a lot of movie discussion towards the end of the day, when the news cycle has hit a lull, or on Thursday afternoons when we have a breather (These Days doesn't have a show on Friday mornings... but you knew that because you listen EVERY DAY, right?  And then at 11am you immediately start reading Culture Lust...I must say, you're all fine, fine people).

Tom was on vacation last week and must have missed our movie conversations.  When he and his wife rented a movie from Netflix, an interesting conversation followed and Tom sent Culture Lust these thoughts on movie myths, anti-male conspiracies, and reveals that his wife wins all their arguments!

Gender, Parenting, and the Great Anti-male Hollywood Conspiracy

By Tom Fudge
 
Mythology and its many stories make us believe that certain things are true and right. This has been the case throughout human history. All that’s changed is the medium. Myth was communicated orally, then scripturally. Today it’s done cinematically.

The myth of the movie cowboy has instructed us in matters of independence and self reliance. Disney movies have influenced gender roles and our relationship with animals. In fact, I don’t think we would have an animal rights movement without Walt Disney. Several generations of Americans were traumatized by the murder of Bambi’s mother and it didn’t take long before some of them created PETA.

I was thinking of the power of Hollywood myth-making as I was watching a movie that my wife got from Netflix. It’s called Dan in Real Life.  It stars Steve Carrell and Juliette Binoche in a story where the main character is a single Dad (Carrell) with three daughters. The Dad seeks to have a romance with a woman (Binoche) who, he later learns, is dating his brother.

As I watched this movie I saw that it contained a subplot that some members of the so-called men’s movement strenuously object to. I’m referring the portrayal of the main character’s wife. “What portrayal?” you’ll be wondering if you’ve seen the movie. She’s dead, and he’s a widower. But that’s just it.

If she were alive she’d be right there caring for her kids. Death is the only thing that will pull a woman away from her children and her maternal duties. Call it the Sleepless in Seattle supposition.

Men, on the other hand, will abandon their kids for a multitude of trivial reasons. It’s a movie myth, the guy advocates say, that holds women on a pedestal and portrays men as being no different from the male mountain lion that seeks out females in order to copulate but then gives no thought to his offspring.

I raised this subject with my wife, which some people might have advised me not to do… not just because she’s a female and a mother but also because she’s an ex-lawyer who tends to win all the arguments. Upon hearing my description of the male advocate point of view, she rolled her eyes and said they’re way off base. (She didn’t actually roll her eyes, but it makes a better story to say she did).

The main character in Dan in Real Life was a widower, she explained, to serve the convenience of romantic storytelling. If he had been divorced, there would be an ex-wife in the picture, making things complicated. How do you write her into the story? You could ignore the fact that she exists, but that would put a strain on the story’s credibility. Besides, if the male romantic lead had been divorced, he might be messed up. He might have issues. No… much more convenient just to kill off the Mom and let the single Dad be free to follow his bliss.

If we can assume, just for the sake of argument, that there IS a left-wing, anti-male conspiracy of filmmakers that assumes only death will separate a woman and her children, a notable exception was the recent movie Juno. In Juno -- which was written by a woman, incidentally -- the teenage girl at the center of the story was abandoned by her mother. She lived with her father and her stepmother, both of whom were decent, loving people. 

Juno did break the rules of conventional film making because it tried to tell a story that was a real slice of life. Movies don’t often do that, nor do all movies succeed in making a real contribution to American mythology. They only do that if they speak to us in a way that we find meaningful and true. 

I guess those male advocates I was referring to were both right and wrong. (I’m not making this stuff up. There really is a men’s movement and I’ve interviewed some of their members). They’re right to say it’s a cliché that women never abandon their kids. But they’re wrong if they think that’s the only story movies ever tell.